When will we all learn that Mother Nature is a force not to be reckoned with? How stubborn and arrogant are men that they think that their phallus is bigger than Mother Nature? I am telling you right now guys you can put the rulers away, Mother Nature wins. If anything can be taken away from the tragedy in New Orleans it is that we have to let nature act naturally. No longer can we try and damn, dike, and levy the waterways of this world.

How many times have we heard this decade alone that this has been the worst hurricane, flood, or tidal wave on record? It seems to be a continuing trend. Until the people of this planet learn to treat it with the love and respect that it deserves, years from now we will be talking about natural disasters that eclipse even the worst we have seen in the past few years. Now more than ever we as a people need to start thinking more about recycling, solar engery, and just playing nice with Mother Nature, or she is just going to take her ball and go home. For all you people out there that think “this is not my problem” and that “I will be long gone before any of this matters”, you are wrong. This is a problem for all of us right now.

I want to say that I for one am not a super earthy crunchy hippie. In fact I am an asshole like most of us, who happens to drive a Jeep Wrangler that guzzles gasoline at a rate of 15 miles per gallon. Now more than ever I realize that it is time to look for alterative forms of fuels, and transportation. Surprisingly Jeep, who caters to the young environmentally friendly youth of this nation, does not offer any kind of hybrid vehicle. If in fact they did, I can honestly say that I would sell my current vehicle and go out and buy one tomorrow. Some of you are probably thinking “we already have that technology, go buy a Toyota Prius.” To those people I say, until a safe vehicle that I can rely on to hold up in a collision against a Hummer H2 is designed…I don’t think so.

I fear my already lack luster writing skills are going to be adversely effected by the churning bile in stomach after watching people looting shops in New Orleans, but I am going to give it a shot anyway. What kind of septic tank scum in the face of such devastation can actually justify and have time to walk into Walmart and steal trivial material items? This is not a case of people breaking into to shops to take bread and water which I could understand in the wake of such a disaster. Instead the news cameras are catching endless droves of people stealing things like Xbox, PSP, coffee makers, and hair dryers. The city is in ruins, people have died, and people will continue to die, and all you can think about is looting trivial crap?

Today I saw an strong able bodied teenager running with an entire shopping cart overflowing with shoes. I looked at this kid closely and noticed that his shoes were in perfect working order. Now unless that kid was delivering those shoes to homeless people with cut and bleeding feet, which I can confidently say he was not, he should be found and prosecuted. When the judge is confronted with this scumbag he should absolutely throw the book at him for theft, and for violations against humanity. This is not about thievery, it is about committing a crime against your fellow man in his time of need. It is just amazingly sad…sad.

Once again Lance Armstrong steroid accusations are making the front page in sports news. Lance Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour de France in July of 2005 surrounded by controversy. I for one am not even convinced that the man was on performance enhancing drugs. You have to realize that they are watching this guy closer than any other cyclists, they want to nail him. On top of that professional cycling has one of the most rigorous drug testing in competitive sports. Lance Armstrong is a freak of nature and people need to remember that. We are talking about a man who beat cancer, that in all rights should have killed him. Armstrong has the lung capacity of almost twice that of a “normal” man…he is clearly not your average human being.

Let me say that I think it is scandalous that steroids are a part of major competitive sports, but they are in fact a part of it so get use to it. That being said, here is the problem folks, if Lance was on steroids when he won his seventh straight Tour de France so were others. If you can not handle the fact that Lance was on steroids (if in fact he was even on steroids) just remember he destroyed hundreds of other cyclists that were on steroids as well. Strap on your helmet, go ride your Huffy, and chew on that.

I was watching Comedy Central’s Roast of Pamela Anderson last night. The roast was very funny as usual; if you have not seen it yet, take a minute out of your busy day to watch it. The funniest part, in my opinion, is when Pam Anderson walked out under the bright lights of the staging only to realize that you could see right through the top of her dress. This seems to be an all too common occurrence now a days with celebrities. The people are surrounded with an entire entourage of stylists, make up artists, managers, and bodyguards, and not one of them noticed that you could see through her top? Someone needs to be on the ball here. There should be a bright light test held for all these people before they step on to a stage or light bulb flashing red carpet event.

This brings me to another situation that boggles the mind. I worked at a club for a number of years, and frequented a few in Boston. I can say that on more than one occasion I have seen a girl with her booby completely out of her shirt or dress. As a doorman I had to actually stop a few coming into the club and awkwardly say “hey your a….um…ya know” (while pointing to a girls breast). Maybe some girls could post a comment here and let me know, how the heck do you not notice when your titty is hanging out of your shirt? Never once in my life have I ever had Lil’ John and the Eastside Boys, hanging outside of my pants without me knowing. If my scrumdidliumptious is out in fair territory it is because I knowingly put it there.

Just in case you missed it; I am referring to the 22 year old woman who was tasered for not obeying Officer Rich McNevins orders. To view the video clip of this incident click here to download it. This woman was pulled over for driving with no seatbelt, a broken windshield, a bad brakelight, and all this with a suspended license. Before the officer could even get to her car she opened her door, and began yelling at him. When she was asked to get off her cell phone and step out of the vehicle, SIX times may I add, she refused. She instead insisted on staying in the vehicle and continued to talk to her cell phone.

I think this is great! In my opinion there needs to be more of this kind of thing done, and it needs to be publicized. If you do not comply with a police officer you deserve everything you have to endure as a result. Before all you civil liberties people go nuts, remember that she was told to put the phone down and get out of the car six times. Let’s make a note of how many ways she went wrong;

1. She opened the door when pulled over.
2. She did not comply and was hostile towards the police officer.
3. She was driving on a suspended license (a real winner).
4. She resisted arrest and swung at one of the officers.
5. She would not get off her cell phone.
6. Even after being tased she would not turn on her stomach.

Do not get me wrong here people, I think this situation sucks, but mistakes are only mistakes if we do not learn from them. The next time you are pulled over and the cop tells you to do a handstand, you do it. If this woman had just listened this would not have happened. This is why I can not feel bad for her no matter how hard I try. Do I think cops can be assholes? Yes I do. But you know what? I have never been tasered. You want to know why? Because I do what I am friggin told when a cop pulls me over.

You know what I am so sick of? I am sick of having to weed through 300+ emails a day to find the ten or so legitimate business emails. Today alone I had six emails with subjects the read “Make your penis bigger.” That is just out of control, and the funny thing is that only one was from my ex-girlfriend this time. Another one was from my mother, which was a little inappropriate in my opinion, but whatever.

Do you know why you wake up everyday with a mailbox full of spam? It is because it is profitable. These people are making money doing this, if they were not, they would not be wasting their time. A recent study suggests that around 11% of internet users actually visit and make purchases from spam email, as many as 9% of them have reported to have actually lost money to scammers. Whose fault is this? I say that it is all of our faults. Until we do something about it, the spam will keep pouring in.

So what can we do? People like you and I, who know better, need to educate the people who do not. You need to educate your mom, dad, brother, sister, and even your crazy uncle that actually thought the Prince of Zimbabwe wanted to send him 1 million dollars, and all he needed was his checking account number to get the ball rolling.

• NEVER click the “unsubscribe” link at the bottom of their junk mail. When this is done you validate the fact that this is a good address, and that the spammers have a live one.
• Get yourself a good piece of spam blocking software like Spam Arrest. This software will weed out the spiders and bots, from actual people.
• Take moment when you receive spam from the same email address over and over and report it to Spam Cop. They will automatically submit complaints to the offending ISP.
• Do not waste your time opening an email from 32fsirn572md8@hotmail.com! Do you know this guy? I sure as heck do not.

The bottom line is, if we keep reading it, they are going to keep sending it. Of course unless they get brutally murdered. If it can happen in Russia, I am sure it can and will happen in the United States, the great land where people are killed for not letting someone into their lane during rush hour traffic.

I just want to throw it out there, that I will pay someone $10,000 to have hiredmonkey.com tattooed on their forehead.

For those of you who haven’t seen the story yet let me sum it up for you. Poor young mother wants to raise money for her son to go to college, puts her forehead up on ebay as a tattoo canvas, and sets the buy it now price at a measly $10k. Well guess what? Golden Palace Casino jumped at the chance and clicked the buy it now price when bidding was only as high as $999.99. When interviewed she said “To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like $1 million.” Does anyone else have a problem with this statement? I sure as hell do. You want to know why? I will tell you why, BECAUSE I WOULD NOT TATTOO MY FOREHEAD with a websites URL for one million dollars. You know what else; you can not go to a State college now days for $10k per year, so where is this kid going to school? Blaine? I guess we will all have to hope that he will become a master hair dresser and invent some new hair style to cover up that God awful tattoo.

It does not take a degree in marketing to understand that this was the best $10,000 Golden Palace Casino will ever spend. These guys got Super Bowl like exposure for pennies on the dollar. This story has been on just about every major news web site, and has probably been water cooler talk for weeks now. How many times do you think some one said Golden Palace this week? I just did. It is known that companies like this pay upwards of $100,000 just to have their name temporarily painted on boxers backs for one fight. There is simply no way that type of advertising has nearly the kind of reach that this woman’s forehead has had, for ten times less money.

This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am just heartbroken that I missed it. I am a college student scraping by, but if I had seen that auction in time I would have sold my car in a second to raise enough cash to purchase that poor woman’s forehead. I do not think it was right, and I just MIGHT have felt bad, but at the same time, it would have been the best investment of my life. I probably would have received ten times the publicity. How would the headlines have read? College student, working out of a closet pays $10,000 to tattoo hiredmonkey.com on woman’s forehead. (I’m not kidding; my computer really is set up in my closet)